heart giver

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falling up...

Life is a wheel that no one can escape... you are either up on the top for two minutes or slowly falling to the bottom only to go back on top in 4....why? It seems like this rollercoaster is getting way too scary for me lately...but I can only sit back and try to make it fun while I scream into nothing for a little while longer....

Two weeks...the amount of time I have until I move away and start my life as a college freshman...intense! Who knew that leaving this little town would have such a huge impact on me, I mean, it's little ole' walton-verona... I feel like I have this tattoo, a tattoo permanently engraved into my heart of a big Dub-V symbol to represent everything I was taught throughout high school ... something to always look back on... hold onto...and cherish forever...

Im ready to go, but I feel like there's so much unfinished business for me to do before I go... I guess sometimes though, you just have to walk away and move on ... eyes focused toward the distance and run with it. I just have to learn to trust myself enough to do that first...

If you have ever felt this way, you know exactly how it is to be super confused about whats gonna happen and why, or how even.... it's rough... but everyone can do it with a little boost.

I hope I can. Lord give me the strength! <3

slacker alert...

So I realize I totally didn't post anything yesterday :/ But that is because I was celebrating my birthday, and I had a busy day at work and everything was going all kinds of crazy after, needless to say I am EXHAUSTED! I have been so busy in fact that daily I find myself sitting for just a ten second time period and feeling partially revived after! That is crazy.

In my Bible study, we talked about resting; physically, emotionally, mentally, and mostly spiritually. I never really realized how much it takes to get out into the world daily and do the work God has called us to do. Even in my boring or busy day at work, I am expected to work harder to act as the Christian God has called me to be... working for Him is a lot harder than pushing carts, just throwing that out there. The challenges I face with the many strangers I come into contact daily are getting progressively harder... When you work in a place that MANY to HUNDREDS of people visit weekly, you know there is a reason behind why you were put there. I try so hard to be kind and helpful as a reflection of Gods unending love for people, but sometimes, my human instincts take over and I become tired and angry and I forget that I am there to serve a far greater purpose than just bagging or ringing peoples groceries.

Sometimes I think it takes just one simple event to help people see the love God has for them. Sometimes it can be as simple as saying Hello with a smile, or helping someone with something they've found themself struggling with, just anything. I have learned a lot through work and study that I can't even fully explain.

"God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them".

It's my birthday...

i'll smile if I want to.......

:) yay! I am finally 18 and the world seems...well... NO different!! Figures! However, the things I got to do were verrry fun. I spent the whole day with my totally awesome grandmother and we went shopping in Florence for hours! Then I went out and sang some karaoke at El Toro with my sister. Fun stuff! I can't believe that I am sooo old! This is crazy! But honestly, this was the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! My family is amazing, my friends are awesome, and I love them all!

Birthdays have a funny way of making you super excited even if you act like you arent...even though were technically just getting one year closer to dying... I like to celebrate because that was one more year I enjoyed here on earth.

"A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun.  Enjoy the trip."  ~Author Unknown

"Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year:  The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again.  ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
"

Getaway...Runaway...O.U.T.

I have officially decided I need a weekend away....from everything, everyone. No offense to anyone, just a weekend to figure myself out, to get closer to God again because I feel like everything is falling apart again... yikes :/

I need a couple of my closest girls to join me for a weekend of non stop focus on God, just to get that refreshing feeling of being close to Him again. Hopefully regaining that closeness to my friends, maybe my Bible study group is an excellent place to start... hmm...oh brain, you fascinate me sometimes.

Remember When.

Remember when everything was new and exciting? Remember all of those times where you had to get out and meet new people, do new things, and enjoy new experiences? I miss those times. The same old cliche world we live in as grow older gets less and less new it seems like... everything new has come and gone and now I feel I am sitting on a flat rock until something new comes along.... waiting patiently. Day by day I go through a basic routine that I have trained myself into so well that if one little thing gets messed up, my whole day seems out of whack.

I miss the days when I was six, when my only major concern was who I was going to be "best friends" with that day, or who was going to share their M&Ms at lunch, or who was going to be my coloring partner. Those days were certainly taken for granted, but how was I supposed to know that it would only get harder, that little Suzy didn't like me using the purple marker first was not going to be my biggest problem? Life seems to just fly on by, I've learned to strap in tight and enjoy the ride as long as I live, but lately it's becoming a bit of a struggle. I am about to leave home and everything built around my life in a small town will no longer exist when I go. Sure, it'll be there when I get back or visit, but will I feel the same? Will I even care about those little things that mean so much to me now later?

I am definitely a person who likes change and I cannot stand being in one spot in my life for too long, but now I feel like because I have had that attitude through life for so long that I might miss something huge, or that I won't be there when something great happens because I'll be off doing something else. I will miss a lot of people, and even though I know they will be okay here without me, I feel like I may have failed to do what I was called to do in their lives while I was there.... however, now I have learned the lesson to never take a moment for granted to do what it takes to do what I need to do.

The events that teach us lessons everyday are mind boggling sometimes...everything I go through daily has meaning behind it, and the weird thing about me is that each night before I go to bed, I learn something new. I never go to bed unsure of the events that happened throughout my busy day, everything has a reason...and I am always determined to find out that reason.

Remember at the beginning of this post how I said remember the past? Remember how I said later that you shouldn't take for granted the little moments/things in life? Well, now I want all of you to remember this, everyday has purpose....every morning you wake up, there is a reason, everytime you go to bed for rest, rest well because the next day could be even harder. However, your purpose in life is important, so strap in tight, put on your helmet, maybe even grab a first aid kit because this world gets bumpy, the events become challenging, and the struggles you face will at times seem unbareable, but you can do it... so can I.

"Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one lives forever." -unknown.

Worry Worm... rarely avoids the bird.

So..... I have been known as one who worries.... a whole LOT. I am considered a perfectionist to most who know me best and they all know that I tend to get anxious about silly things. Example: If I can't think of what I am going to do in the next few hours, I get anxious. YIKES! I KNOW! Recently though, I have come to realize that worrying gets me NOWHERE! Worrying gets NO ONE ANYWHERE. I found a few quotes today that inspired me to focus on the better things in life "in the moment" so that I find myself not so anxious as often.

"If things go wrong, don't go with them.....Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.......If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep."

As I read this quote, I thought of every single thing I have ever worried about in my lifetime... WOW! Extremely pointless things to worry about... and everytime the only place the worry took me to was nowhere because I couldn't do anything about it because all I did was mope and think of what could happen and not what was happening. I am seeing for the first time a pattern in my life that I hoped would have worked itself out by now.... as soon as I let my guard down, though, it happens all over again...

My advice to anyone with anxiety issues like me..... STOP WORRYING. Become faithful in God that He will deliver you no matter where or what you go through to get there. Life is flying by it seems and the only way I can slow it down is by enjoying every single moment that I get and cherish it forever. I hope you all will do the same. Life lessons are interesting in their approach...sometimes, the approach is what makes all the difference. 

L.O.V.E.

I love finding new graphics about love :) call me a nerd but here are a few of the cute little graphics i just came across :)